always.

Saturday, November 28

Different

Somehow I’ve forgotten that this blog even exist. I log onto the computer and a routine starts.

facebook. Gmail. Twitter. YouTube.

It's not as if anyone bothers to read this blog anyway...at least not those whom i expect to even bother to remember my blog name. Call me petty, whatever you want. I just feel so different.There are too many faces, too many voices and too many choices. Each one so different, it scares me. What frustrates me...is that the one person I love with the exception of my family doesn't even know how i feel. I can't tell him anything or he'll think I’m just being irrational again and being sad over things that don't matter... It's so tiring bottling up everything inside me. Maybe it's a small matter to you, not to me.

Do you know how important friends are to me? They keep me going...making me feel like..i'm worth something. Not just the fat loner in sec 1 or the stupid girl who gave up sitting with the popular girl to sit next to a loser in sec 4, but as a person who deserves respect and at the very least, care. Someone once said “you can never have too many friends " . I agree. It's true but how untrue the saying is if you don't even know if your friends are your friends. [ not refering to all ]

Would friends leave you out of discussions? Break away because you're having a bad day? Ignore you completely and expect you to be ok? Will friends leave you stranded on an island of despair and yet not even bother or realised you're left behind? They sail the ship away following the shallow 'captain' because of his popularity. They won’t leave you standing alone without anyone to talk to, feeling like a complete idiot for being there. Will only trust those few I can trust. Learnt it the hard way.

So many different people, different choices, different perspectives, different situations. yet all contribute to one feeling - frustration.

Ever get the feeling that something’s awfully wrong with you? Your body’s itching everywhere, your chest hurts but the doctor thinks you’re just being paranoid. Your ankle twists at the sightless slip and your energy level, your mood diminishes day by day. Something’s wrong...I just don’t know what. Each day something else acts up, muscles, joints. I can’t bring myself to say “there’s something wrong with me” because I don’t want anyone else to tell me “you’re fat and unattractive and now there’s something wrong with you”. My heart can’t take it anymore. My self confidence has dipped below zero.

After watching 2012 and Twilight-New Moon, I realised how shallow humans are. We base our conceptions on theories and logic and ignore the true meaning of life with feeling. We emphasise on wealth, education, ranks, jobs, competition...while the world can be so much simpler if we all take a step back. True love? I really don’t know... I’ve lost faith in true love already. I believe there is love but just not true love. I used to but now I don’t. It’s bullshit when someone says “I’d die for you” or “I will convert my religion for you” because you know you’re waiting aimlessly and it’s never going to happen. Where is the promise that you gave to me in April? To convert because you love- not now but for sure in the future. Where is the promise to come participate in what I believe in after promos? They’re all LIES, TACTICS that men use to woo women. I remember asking again 6 months later and the reply was? “ If YOU love me, then YOU convert”. How fascinating, the male species, they seem to so easily deceive and twist words around.

I don’t even ask for cards, for letters, for symbols of reassurances. I don’t want to get disappointed again and again. I lower my expectations so that I won’t hurt so much and the pit just gets shallower and shallower until it’s flat. I don't even want anything expensive, a handmade item, a letter or a surprise...that will make me feel like i actually mean something to you. I think to myself often, what life would be like now if I had not accepted this pledge and then I realised...it would have been nothing more and nothing less but yet someone I don’t know if I can live without for now. Because to you I am not worth complimenting when I dress up to impress, I am unworthy to be comforted because you don’t know how, I am just fat to you.

That’s all I am.

Insecurities. Jealousy. These are emotions no human can avoid...and just when I need someone to reach out a hand, to tell me “ It’s ok...I’m here for you” what do I get in return? To stop wasting time and emotions on stupid things. You have no idea how it hurts me...to constantly remember and even DREAM of that day we were sitting at the busstop. Why is it so difficult to get a compliment...I’m a human and humans need reassurance that they’re doing it right, doing it better and doing it well. That they’re worth something... even if it’s a piece of scrap paper with the words “I love you” on it. Not something big, I just need to know.

Because you said I was fat, I starve myself for hours and the hole in my stomach hurts like crazy, I haven’t even been touching the massive amount of chilli I love because my stomach hurts so much. I cry from the pain. I hide it most especially from you because I can’t tell you. What would your reaction be? It would be my fault again. It is not the same hearing words from a teddy bear and hearing words from a human...but then again who’s complaining? It’s the only symbol of assurance I have left and the only thing keeping it together.

The most memory I remember vividly that left me jumping for joy was when we met after two, three weeks without seeing each other. You grabbed me and hugged me so tight I could hardly breathe. You kissed me on my cheek I felt so loved, I thought nothing would beat this feeling. And then you told me

“when I saw you, you took my breath away...you’re so beautiful”

Word for word I write it now on a blog that is forgotten and will remain locked away. The ruffling of my hair as a sign of affection, the strong meaningful kisses that make me feel so loved, the soft touches are gone just like dead petals that fly with the blowing wind. And those words...

I’ll never hear again.

Tuesday, November 3

Fireflies, won't you let me believe.
That there's something worth. something there.
I just can't lift my head and say it's ok
when my heart hurts so badly. it burns.
Where post go unnoticed. freedom. space.
Where it takes so much effort to say goodbye
opposite, it's takes so little from you.
While i'm struggling. i'm crying from guilt
for suspecting...for clinging..
What i hear today...is a feeling i won't ever forget.
My shoulder. It's sore from what you gave.
My eyes. They don't want to function.
My ears. I want to shut them up to pretend i didn't hear a single thing.
My whole. To cease to exist.
Fireflies, won't you let me believe?
That there's something more than just an object
that holds this bond together?

Fireflies

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A fox trot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

Saturday, October 17

Always thinking my temper is short..apologise and it's ok.

well it's not.

maybe you should go attend classes to sound more sincere.

Parade

you know what. There was a reason to do this before exams but now there is simply no excuse. NO. THERE WAS NO EXCUSE TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT FROM THE START.

If it really means me being second to practically over every damn thing. I'd rather you just tell me you lost your phone. Full stop.

Anger is probably just half of what I'm feeling now and no i won't reply any message that always contain the same word over and over because this just keeps happening again and again.

Zach i know you care but i don't need you to tell me what to do with these things happening in my life because by doing so, it just makes things a whole lot worst.

Whatever the reason i may have for ignoring this 24hrs with missed phone calls. It's a devil inside my that was growing from the beginning and my annual 'anger parade' displays and shoots it out like fireworks. In any case, I'm not wrong to do so. I won't keep saying 'It's OK' because i know it's damn right not. Unless someone died. EVEN SO, is it so difficult to type a few letter on the phone? " heyy really busy so I'll talk to you later alright? ((: " THERE it's not even ONE PAGE of a message. How the hell is that so difficult to do.

What's the point of apologising when i know this is just going to happen again and there is no decency to even figure out what you've done wrong in the first place. I had to tell you word for word. Everything needs an explanation according to what you say. So why don't you explain this to me? What was so important that my questions went unanswered? Why is it that nothing i do makes you treasure me more, rather it's the opposite. Why am i sacrificing my time before promos only to be taken for granted.

You say i don't treat you right emotionally. Tell me then, is this the right way of treating you then? Making me cry buckets of tears. While they are wiped off by everyone else but you. Someone wise told me, that if you love a person, you will accept the flaws and accentuate the attributes. I try to do so but when i finally accept everything, i feel it's just taken abused of and i don't' see the need to accept. Am i being petty, emotional, irrational AGAIN? I don't see how.

Therefore, i can't bring myself to forgive just yet.

Saturday, October 10

I LOVE YOU JEAN :D

XOXO TAMS

Saturday, October 3

dear amos;

you do not realize what a treasure you have on your hands;
sit up and cherish it.
nobody should be taken for granted.

if you think things are unfair; talk it out, but most of all, LISTEN it out
even if you think you're right, put yourself in the other's shoes and think.

don't point fingers.

to couples: being together does not mean promising to never hurt or let the other down. it means staying, not walking away when the other does.

but if you hurt her too much, then i'll pull her away from you.

apologize! work it out. talk. don't let the what ifs and if onlys come later! there are things worth fighting for!

and above the top, it's jean.

so don't lose something so wonderful;
show that you treasure it.

xoxo
tammie

Error

Just because my anger span is short,
it doesn't mean it'll always be like that
and things can be taken for granted.
Just because you give in first
doesn't mean you apologised first.
I do.

Always getting blamed for things that go wrong
always getting 'irritable' for picking
even when i DON'T.
it's just how YOU feel.
HAH the irony.

Valuing what's deemed so little
Because i care enough to ask
Because you're important
Not just grade. work. studies.
All these stupid superficial things.
"Think about it...change yourself."
Those words keep repeating through countless times
I try. You take it for granted just as well.
oh i feel so appreciated.

I'm being picked against
for being unable to let go off anger
Think of it.
Will you?
You say you will
I Don't think so.

Looking forward to
a voice i can hear before i sleep
that tells me that it loves me.
I don't sense it, don't feel it, cant see it either.
Bad combination
Insecure.
Complains must come with reasoning and examples- not feelings.
what kind of stupid fatass logic is that.
why then is the word 'feel' in the dictionary.
SENSELESS.
that's how you like it? what i am to be?

change cannot be one sided
and we've tried to compromise
it worked for a while
Now, i'm being blamed for every emotion i feel
How ridiculous
that i cannot get angry for being accused.
And then i'll be told off...for being unreasonable
Irrational. Stupid. Selfish...
blah blah blah.

What's going to come then..
is threats...ah im used to.
spiral spiral spiral.
Explain explain explain
Fail fail fail

I give up.

you just can't see the error of your ways

[ then..there'll be reiteration again, i can't wait to hear : " give examples" ]

Thursday, September 24

Queuing for western food In school nowwwww!!!! :) hi Amos!

Sunday, September 20

God's Miracle

I was feeling all upset and blogging about missing David..God knew i really missed him and he sent him online :D spent an hour half telling D and confiding in him. It made me realise..how i've been drifting from even my closest friends.

thank God this blog is only accessible to 6 people

TAMMIE. SAMUEL. DAVID. AMOS. JOAN. ZACH.

my password stays secret.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
are you okay....?
haiiz.
just forget about him ba.
hmmms.
if he can't keep his promise after so many times.
he won't do it in the future.
so its not worth it.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
no as in..
yst he asked me to forgive for things he have/have not done

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
uh huh.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
then i was like
ok. i'm sorry too"
then he didn't reply

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ah.
why didn't he reply.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
then i had tuition and asked him like
" hey are you busy?"
and he didn't reply
then he called me at 11 plus
and i was pissed
then he said " i was doing WR and i knew you had tuition

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
haiiz.
he sucks la.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i admit that he has changed for me
a lot...
at least now he acknowledges ppl
but then

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ah.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i vent my anger on him sometimes though >.<
did i vent my anger on you last time too?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
uummm.
dunno lol.
even if u did i wouldn't remember it. ((:
lol.
haiiz.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i think i have a toothache!

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
well if he's changed for you.
alot.
then its good ba actually.
haiiz.
means he does care for you
hmmms
then why is ur blog so emo.
GAH!
lol

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
COS I ONLY BLOG WHEN I'M EMO!

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
LOL
soooo.
EMO = BLOG

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
my blog serves a a portal for me to channel excess emotions

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
so your blog is emo lol.
hahhaa.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
yeah!

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
like a diary
ooh.
J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
logical aint it?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
yeahh i guess.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
but then too many ppl reading
had to lock it

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
but if he's changed for you alot.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he has changed to an extend

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
maybe you should be so emo.
hmmms

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
from a person who only cared about himself.to a person who notices the outside world

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
just be more explicit about how you want him to act.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he just doesn't bother about what ppl say
about him

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ah

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
like TELL him directly?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
i guess so.
yupp
it'll be better wad

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
so you won't be emo.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
but then it'll lose all purpose
it's like..
if i want him to write me a love note
i can't DEMAND it !

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
gah.
u can hint.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
HINT = USELESS. I’ve tried

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
but if you want him to change.
then you don't tell him to change
its like he won't change wad.
isn't that true.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
that's true..

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
then you'll be hurt by his actions which you hope he'd change but didn't bother to tell him.
hmmms.
so yeah you should tell him

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
but don't DEMAND him to change
tell him that you'd want him to do this and this.
because it'll affect you like this and this
but don't demand that he do it.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
mmmm
you're right
anyway we were talking yst and he asked what was bugging me

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
yeah.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
then i told him like almost all he stuff
then he kept saying " ok next"
it's like.....
hello? i'm not a presentation you know.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
heh.
sooo
so he keeps on saying "so next" har.
haiiz.
evil guy
but maybe what he means is that he's understood it le
and he wants you to mention the next thing
not like he's browsing through....?

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
yeah i know
just choice of words...

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
lol.
hmmms
yeah i kinda get all e negative parts of him
GAH!
talk good about AMOS okay!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
hahah
now?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
yupp!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
you do know that im in an emo mood right
-_-"
but if you really want to good things

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
heh.
okaaay.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he's decisive- and that makes me more decisive
i don't take one hour to think of what i want to eat anymore
he's honest and trustworthy

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he attempts to listen.
but it's difficult to change a character. He listens but doesn’t really get it I think.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
yeahh

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
it's his character to b individualistic
cos of his past
so i understand and i give him credit for trying
he motivates me to study
good and bad because sometimes I get additional pressure from him
he's focused on a goal-
when he gets down to something...he will get it done
he calls every night, mostly. even though he's tired
and i get angry when he wants to sleep >.<

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hahaha.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
so ...i'm being petty here

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
sounds really nice.

well maybe its both sides
its likely to be both sides.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
you need to learn to compromise too k.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
there are times..i feel he really loves me
but like these three days..
no

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
only don't compromise the absolutes.
hmmms.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
and another good thing

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
eyah/
:?

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he doesn't get jealous of you
-_-"

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ahhh

lol.
thats good!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he trusts the both of us
hee

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
yeah i think....
you should likee.
i mean be secured that he loves you
i eman he's changed so much for you.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
but i'm insecure! >.<

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
and he continues to find you everyday

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
im the type that needs reassurance constantly

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
thats your problem seriously! so try to be more secure!
LOL


J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
it's just so difficult

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hahaha.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i'm TRYINGGGGG!

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
okaay
both sides ought to compromise k.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i know...

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
don't let him do too much okay.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i know..but I feel second to everything.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
second to everything?

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
like..
work always comes first

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
work always comes first?.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
if i wanted to talk to him and he was doing work, he'd tell me that he's busy and put down the phone
but i'm willing to sacrifice the time to talk to him

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ahhh.
hmmms.
maybe compromise for him sometimes okaay.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
how?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
like depending on what kinda work he's doing.
if its urgent work must pass up tomorrow

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i don't expect him to be there 24/7 you know...
David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
i'm not saying you arrre.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i just want him to KNOW and recognise that i exist

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hahaha.
but he knows wadd.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
sometimes...

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
you insecure girlll
!
hahaha.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i feel that i'm just a dog >.<
David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
must chain you to make you secure!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
yeah

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ppl don't love their dog as much as AMOS loves you.
and dogs and ppl don't go well togther.
you cna't marry a dog.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
actually you can

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
no la.
ppl-ppl. ---> good.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
((:
hahah
sometimes..

i know i'm just oversensitive
David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
sometimes...

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
but then when i'm down and out or upset
he's angry that i'm angry
and that doesn't help me
maybe like words ' hey...cool down ok? i'm here for you.' Would be better.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
lol
why is he angry that your angry lol.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
it's nicer than " why are you angry AGAIN"

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hahha.
i don't think i can sympathize with you
cause i've never really been in such a situation
with my girlfriend.
cause i don't have one
maybeee.
you should tell him not to say something like that when your angry,.
but not demand it la.
say that you'd like it this way
and why.
then compromise ba

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
yeah i know..
man i feel so much better now

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hahah

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
oh hey you know God is amazing
i was blogging like " david i miss you'
then you came online

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
LOL
!
hahaha.
God works in wonderous ways. :)

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i think so too
remember that guy i used to like?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
AHH
the one you didn't tell me about
but i heard you talking to XY about it!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he's not worth mentioning

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
uh huh!.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he's a coward, and a jerk

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
oh?
whyy

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he toyed with my feelings?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
yeah.
he sucks./

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
led me on. then ditched me

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
he's sucks!
gahh.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
big time
anyway..
Amos was the one who made me forget him..
and start anew

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hahaha
again...
God works in wonderous ways!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
I know a lot of ppl don't like Amos...and this guy keeps asking me to break up with him
i've been defending him so many times
just he feels that i don't care for him
he said i was selfish
That's why my blog is so emo..
the previous posts
two days ago...

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
harrr?

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i was hurt that's all..still am a little.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
oh
i should totally go read your blog more often.
haiiz.
BUT its in mozilla.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
download mozilla

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
okaay.

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
just he feels that i don't care for him
he said i was selfish
i don't get this part.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he said that i didn't care for him
and i was selfish

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
you didn't care for who?

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
-_-"
amos feels that i don't care for him

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
but aren't you the one defending him?
make yourself more clear baa.
like tell him you care for him.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i do..

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
an your defending him is an example of that

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he says that he doesn't feel it
and i didn't tell him about this guy asking me

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
ah.
u can just tell him??

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
not all things needs to be said

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
even if he might beat up the guy
but still

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
somethings are better left unspoken
if he turns to violence..i will scold him

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
if you guys are in a relationship there are many things which should be transparent.
almsot all.
name me one which you should keep from him. and why?

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
name what?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
one thing.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
if i have cancer..?

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
LOL
just tell him!
aiyoo!
you drama queen!

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
((:
but then
what if..
your friend tells you a secret and says not to tell anyone
and it's a big secret
not a small one

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hmmms.
well.
cannot ba.
but you should let amos know why you can't tell him the secret: because you are bound by your friendship to the other person.
this is assuming that the secret doesn't hurt amos.
ya.
and also depends on your friend telling you the secret.
hmmms.
but best to be most transparent with your partner.
if you leave spaces then there will be misunderstandings
then there will be conflicts.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i told him that i couldn't tell!
and he got angry

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
then its his problem?
hmmms.
but u got tell him why you can't tell?
or maybe you can ask your friend if you can tell amos or not.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
i asked! and she said no
so i told him..that i cannot breech trust between friends
and he said that trust between lovers are more important than friends

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
well that maybe true.
but he ought to respect your friendship with your friend.
hypothetically speaking.
if you tell him
and she finds out
she won't even tell you any secrets again.
because you told him even though she forbid you to.
so it'll wreck the relationship between you and her.
so even though he is right. he ought to be gentlemanly and not ask.
heee.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
yeah.. i was thinking just that.
but he didn't get it..
sigh

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hmmms

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
he's really rigid in his thinking

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
i guess so.
J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
if he thinks he's right. Everyone else is wrong

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hmmms
well he is right.
there's nothing wrong with what he's doing
but there is something better.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
hmm??

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
like there's nothing wrong with him asking you to tell him.
supposing that trust between lovers is greater than trust between friends.
but its better if he doesn't ask you in this particular circumstance.

J.E.A.N- Busy so don't bug me [ hey..it rhymes] says:
yeah..

David (mooncake.!.. ZIPPY rocks!). says:
hmmms
jean i'm going to sleep le k.
my eyelids are falling off.
haiiz
oh something big happened today.
or yesterday for that matter.
but i'll tell you later k.
nighttts.
i'm really bushed.
and got church later.
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
0
really. i go sleep le k.
nightsss.! 

I want this to stop. Turn back. Renew. Refresh. With a change. A real PROPER change

you couldn't even be bothered that i was un-contactable the whole day.Why then hell should i care. I've spent so many SMSes, so many words trying to say, type, explain how i feel. you asked for forgiveness and then you repeat the same mistake. Then dont' say it..don't say if you cannot keep to it.

Do you really love me? I can't feel it anymore. Not even when i had so much emotions in me and i SMSed that message you got and replied half asleep.

It didn't mean much. Not that i know or am aware of. It only means enough to keep in an inbox.

Why should i even bother to change when it's not being appreciated or whether i even EXIST is not taken into consideration.

WORK WORK WORK

NOT EVERYTHING IS WORK.

shouldn't your gf be important as well.

I just need reassurance

F***

David..i miss you

Saturday, September 19

Sigh..as usual i was left worrying and thinking about unreplied SMSes.

It's not like the phone wasn't there. Once again something else comes first.

So damn frustrating.

It didn't even mean much.

Friday, September 18

Stop insulting my religion

that's all i can say.

Don't know whether it's insensitivity...

nothing i say registers.

I'm not going to say anymore.

I give up.

D.H Lawrence here i come- the human race is pathetic.

Thursday, September 17

Silence.

Is the cause of this anger i have inside.